We’ve all been there before.

You’re trying your best to engage in a productive conversation, but the other person is constantly disrupting the flow of the exchange.

The red flags are on full display: They completely dominate the conversation. Never validate what you say. Ignore your contribution. Undermine your perspective. Constantly interrupt you mid-sentence. And prevent any possibility of a meaningful exchange to occur. It’s as if you’re talking to a wall.

Dealing with a poor communicator can be challenging. Irritating. Frustrating. Lead to misunderstandings, confusion, and conflict. Hinder collaboration and productivity. And require a high level of patience, empathy, and a strategic approach.

As a professor of communication and professional communicator, I’ve become well aware of these very obstacles, adopting the use of active listening techniques to navigate these challenges.

This approach has boosted my relationships with family members, friends, colleagues, and co-workers and allowed me to authentically develop and cultivate new relationships from scratch.

It’s also been at the core of my professional success, where my listening and communication skills have been at the center of my progress, allowing me to thrive and build meaningful and sustainable relationships.

What is Active Listening?

Suffice it to say, listening is far from a simple act. It is a complex process that includes:

• Active listening.
• Validating a person’s perspective.
• Providing a supportive and empathetic space.
• Being aware of non-verbal cues such as body language, posture, gestures, and facial expressions, which often convey a lot of meaning and messaging.
• Maintaining a fluidity in a conversation by interjecting in a timely and considerate manner.
• Being respectful of diverse perspectives and ideas.

Let’s take a closer look at why listening is such a critical skill.

1. Strengthens Relationships

Effective listening is a key piece to building trust and understanding.

Being able to validate another person’s perspective is crucial as it shows that you genuinely care about their thoughts, opinions, experiences, and what they bring to the table. This is especially powerful in creating long-lasting friendships.

“To say that a person feels listened to means a lot more than just their ideas get heard. It’s a sign of respect. It makes people feel valued.”

— Deborah Tannen, Professor of Linguistics at Georgetown University

2. Improves Communication

Grasping the nuances and underlying emotions behind words and being able to understand the full context of a conversation is another key part of active listening.

Possessing a deep level of comprehension can help reduce misunderstandings, promote empathy, and hone your capacity to provide more meaningful and relevant feedback, thus, making your communication more effective and productive.

“I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I’m going to learn, I must do it by listening.”

— Larry King, Legendary TV host at CNN

3. Increases Problem-Solving and Decision Making

Another impressive trait of active listeners is their capacity to take in a considerable amount of critical details and leverage these details to make thoughtful and informed decisions.

This is particularly important during problem-solving scenarios, where listening to different viewpoints or feedback can help identify the root causes of an issue and, in turn, develop well-rounded and comprehensive solutions.

Taking in different opinions and insights is extremely vital in gaining exposure to fresh ideas you hadn’t considered previously, leading to sharper and more holistic decision-making.

“Active listening involves mastering a whole host of other skills — from learning how to read subtle cues to controlling your own emotional response. It requires both empathy and self-awareness.”

– Amy Gallo, writer for the Harvard Business Review

4. Cultivates Empathy

Listening is not just about hearing sounds and words; it involves a strong and thoughtful effort to understand the emotions behind those words.

Approaching listening and communication in a caring and considerate manner can help set the groundwork for empathy, discussing conflicts or disagreements in a healthy way, resolving issues amicably, and expanding your capacity to reach common ground in many conversations with others.

“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.”

– Ernest Hemingway, American novelist and Journalist. 

5. Enhances Learning and Knowledge

Being able to retain information is an important byproduct of active listening.

When you engage your brain, you are able to remember and process what’s being shared much more easily.

Whether it’s in a classroom, a meeting, or casual conversation, listening allows you to continuously learn from others and grow intellectually.

“There is as much wisdom in listening as there is in speaking ­– and that goes for all relationships, not just romantic ones.”

– Daniel Dae Kim, famous actor

6. Promotes Patience and Mindfulness

One of most compelling elements of active listening is it requires you to be present in the moment, therefore, forcing you to focus fully on the speaker and their message.

This is also known as mindfulness, which involves a sharpened awareness of your internal state and surroundings; helping to eschew destructive or automatic habits and responses by learning to observe another person’s thoughts, emotions, and other present-moment experiences without judging or reacting to them.

By listening in a non-biased way and avoiding jumping to conclusions or making assumptions, this allows you to listen without misjudging people or situations, thus, encouraging a more thoughtful and reflective approach.

“I think the one lesson I have learned is that there is no substitute for paying attention.”

— Diane Sawyer, ABC Television Anchor

7. Creates a Positive Environment

Creating a positive space for communication is a great way to foster successful listening.

When the other person feels like you are listening to them, they are more likely to speak openly and honestly. This fosters an environment where ideas can flow freely and people feel comfortable about sharing intimate details about themselves.

Good listening can also reduce anxiety or frustration and provide relief in stressful or emotional situations.

“June Rokoff, Senior VP for Software Development at Lotus credits her success in turning around the company’s position in the software industry to building a team that listens: she made listening the culture of her team.”

— Glen Rifkin, Writer at the New York Times

Final Thoughts

Listening can play a key part in improving relationships, enhancing communication, increasing learning and empathy, improving decision-making, and developing personal growth.

By making a conscious effort to listen more intently, we can strengthen our emotional intelligence, contribute to more meaningful conversations, and create a greater sense of community.

I challenge all of us to reevaluate our own communication habits and practices and examine if we truly are engaging in meaningful interactions that lead to more empathy and a better understanding of each other.

About the Author

Charles Anietie Iyoho

I’m a communication coach, award-winning technical communicator, blogger, professor, and sports aficionado.

For communication advice, uplifting musical content, and thought-provoking interviews and blog content, join me at: https://anietiecommunity.com/why-i-started-this-community/.